Enneagram ONE - Interview
THE INTERVIEW - ENNEAGRAM ONE
I recently had a friend, who is a ONE, come to one of my study groups and share a bit about her life and living with the ONE compulsions of Anger and Over-Perfection.
She shared how she cares for people in the world and takes the time to support them, but she also said that there were conditions to this. One’s can attach to an orderly way of living for themselves, but also for others. If people in their lives step outside this order there can be judgement, resistance and even punishment. This is where the saying “One Track Mind” comes from. One’s can get in a rut of doing things over and over in the same way and not lifting their heads up to look around and seeing the awesomeness of the world around them. When caught in perfecting compulsion, the inner-speak is “my way is the right way and if you are not on my page, you are bad”.
What about the ANGER?
When a ONE does not express their anger, it is held. This held anger is called resentment. With a sense of always needing to be “good", ONEs can hold their anger (because being angry is not “good”) and one day, when you least expect it, they blast it all on some unsuspecting target. This is not a healthy way for a ONE to live.
All human beings (including ONEs) need to find a way to see where we hold our anger and to express it in a healthy way. When it is held, it does not foster growth. There is nothing loving about held resentment. This is why self-observation is such an important thing. Can I see my anger and really take a look to what is under it? There is usually something else afoot. Hurt, loneliness, shame, guilt, these can all be too hard to look at so we just hold onto our anger.
ONEs Disintegrate to FOUR
This leads to another challenge for the ONE. The movement to FOUR. If a ONE gets too caught in the seriousness of their being “good” & perfecting, and not allowing themselves to have fun, they end up in FOUR. For the ONE, this is the space of “Oh poor me”. ONEs can attach to this sadness and in this place their anger gets smothered with a heavy dose of self-pity.
There is Hope!
ONEs Can chose a different way of meeting their reactivity and move to integrate to SEVEN. When a ONE stops and pays attention to how much life they are missing out on, it will change them. ONEs are often told to “lighten up”. This is the movement to SEVEN. The gift of SEVEN gets a ONE to lift their heads up from their work of perfecting the world and opens them to all the possibilities of life.
Work for ONEs
This month pay attention to how many times you say or think the word “should” It can be directed at someone in your life, or it may just be in your head and directed at your behaviour. Keep track if you can. If the word “should" does not resonate with you, what other word do you use for trying to correct (or perfect) yourself and the world around you?
Dale Bially
Inspired Enneagram